By: VANESSA MORALES
Trigger warning: Includes emotional distress, thoughts of suicide; attempt of suicide
The struggles with mental health can leave you in a constant war. When everyday’s a battle with the outside war that adds up to only having to face the battle on the inside. One is suffocating. And along with the contant blows of the world and hardships it brings where does go or yet what do they even do. Where it all comes down on you, and you can’t even trust yourself. When everything is clouded and you’re in this endless storm what is the option? Many of us know or are familiar with what is common that people might go to.. But what does one do, how can someone end up like this.one might think it is real and serious to some extent but until it happens to someone close they start to believe. Others might say people should have noticed; Someone should have said something. All this is made partially hard to be heard as it is not common we get to hear what happens so openly. But survivor and overcomer Drew robinson; survived this and much worse. How one can trump after battling with this and survive it… drew robinson can tell you just that.
Drew Robinson born april 20 1992; was a baseball player since he could remember. He started when he was just at a very young age and fell in love. When he was growing up there was misfortune at home; his parents were always fighting, and Drew as a young kid decided to blame himself. With that weighing on him, Drew put a smile and was named the goofy kid at school; only to mask what was really going on inside. That was already resigning on him as a young kid; blaming him for his parents asking “ why am i not good enough” only to push it down and hide it. Baseball was his only outlet at the time. He loved the game and loved pushing himself to the limit. His parents soon called it quits so Drew focused on what he could control; baseball.
Baseball was his only outlet. He wanted to be the best he needed to be the best. Drew Robinson had always dreamed of making the big leagues. Everyone has a fixed idea of what will happen when they ‘make it’. That when you get signed by a Major league team it’s smooth sailing from there. Drew Robinson found out the opposite. It was hard work to be in every game to still have a steady career playing the one thing that never failed him. After being signed to a team just to be sent down to the minors never getting a chance again. The again getting signed just to be sent back down again. The constant false hope that Drew couldn’t control was weighing heavy. He took it upon himself to push through his limits and tell himself “ its because of you, your not good enough”. From then on his only outlet turned to his enemy adding to the other battles he had to deal with.
Drew started to push people away. He called off his engagement to the one girl whom he loved. He started to get used to masking everything he didn’t know who he truly was anymore. And when everything took a turn for the worse… BOOM! The Corona virus has hit . solitary confinement with yourself and the “ demons” inside you was the last thing Drew needed. But then it was only then… did Drew finally think of a decision that will scar and forever change his life.
On april 16 2020 Drew woke up like any other day, made breakfast and began to write. He began to write a letter; his sucide letter. As guilt started to rise as he thanked his family and friends he kept pushing throughout writing “I hope eventually that you guys will realize that no one could’ve seen this coming to prevent it because of how hard I try to hide it,” he wrote, “and that it’s no one else’s fault.” Drew then sat down on the couch and took ten minutes before raising a gun to his head. He then took the final decision and pulled the trigger. But Drew was still able to open his eyes. He opened them and was confused on why he was still here. Drew then went to go “ clean himself up” and went to take a shower. What was he still doing here? And most importantly why and how is he still functioning? He then fell in shower and ultimately went to bed. He woke up early with pain finally setting in. He then realised he had failed the sucide attempt. With all the realizations swarming inside him. He gave himself another choice to call the police or finish what he started. He chose to save himself. He was rushed to the hospital and underwent six surgeries. He survived.
He is free. “I’m free now,” he says. “I shot myself, but I killed my ego.” and that is not to say that it was a better experience after but he decided to take this horrible experience and turn it completely around. He is now happily training for an MLB ( major league baseball) comeback. He has talked in front of many athletes and is sharing his story. “This was a huge sign. A huge, painful sign that I’m supposed to help people get through something that they don’t think is winnable.”- Drew Robinson