By Walter Bush
“And that is why I have ordered the inter-dimensional strategic space horse command to commence bombing of Narnia, in five minutes,” says Vermin Supreme, who has been running for president consistently in every US presidential election since 1992. Vermin can be spotted often sporting a large black boot as a hat and several ties. Vermin’s promises include free ponies for all Americans, fighting gingivitis, time travel research, and using clean energy from zombies using “the latest in hamster wheel technology.” He has stated that “personnel from the media will ask me about the boot, and I tell them that the boot is a pile of excrement, and that they are the flies that buzz around it.”
Around the time of the 2012 election, at the Lesser-Known Democratic Candidates Presidential Forum, as he was finishing speaking, he ended his yap session by saying, “Jesus told me to make Randall Terry gay,” before standing up and sprinkling glitter over Randall Terry—the candidate next to him. An audience member could be heard yelling, “He’s turning gay!”
Another promise he made is “vermin supreme will take your guns, and give you better ones,” and once again, laughter was heard, before he continued: “And these better guns will shoot MARSHMALLOWS, but they will still be lethal.”
Mr. Supreme claims that he paved the way for Donald Trump in politics, saying, “I’ve brought ridiculousness to politics, and he saw an opening and he jumped on in there.”
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