By Nolan Karlitz
A recent resident in Tahoe has contracted the bubonic plague, also known as the black death. While fleas carrying the black death are more common in higher elevations, the last case of the Bubonic Plague in El Dorado county was from 2020. Officials of the CDC state to not bring your dogs, or any other animals for that matter, to areas affected by the plague without flea powder.
Enough of the facts, I think Tahoe deserves it after that everyone there now drives Teslas and wants mountain lake roads as packed as a juice bar in marin. Maybe now that the Europeans hear that the Bubonic plague is back, their PTSD will trigger them not to come to Tahoe, but we can only hope.
In all honesty, somehow I thought we abolished the bubonic plague, and if a doctor told me I have the bubonic plague, I’d laugh and walk out of the clinic. There hasn’t been any information on the person who contracted it, but granted it’s probably a guy named Kyler who tracks his morning walks with his wife on Strava named “walk with the wifey”
He either drives a Tesla model x or a Rivian truck, who also wears a patagonia puffer 365 days a year. Imagine what the guy had to tell his finance bros to get them to believe he was actually sick, and not trying to get a new supplement from a basement under Whole Foods.
It’s a bummer that it’s not powder season right now, so our friend Kyler can’t call in sick to skip a day of work to head to the mountain. Oh wait, Kyler is on daddy’s trust fund, so he doesn’t work.
One may wonder if we hate Kyler, no of course not, hate isn’t strong enough of a word for Kyler. Kyler is the equivalent of a person who plays their music max volume in class for no reason, other than to become deaf.
Anyways, enough about how worthless Kyler is. Lets hope we forget the vaccine for the black death and entrap all of Tahoe’s residents named Kyler or Emma, which is the equivalent to Kyler but female.
beniciapaw.com 