By Laine Penney
Recently, Trump boarded a Venezuelan oil tanker after apprehending it, and arrested all those on board. However, he made the odd request of demanding workers to bring out a barrel of oil for him, and to keep it warm. When they did what they were told, both the military soldiers and Venezuelans were in for a surprise. “First, the tie came off, then the overcoat, and then he dropped his pants,” a worker witness reports. “Then he ordered his men to hoist him up, and they dropped him into the barrel.”
At first, they all thought he was going to hop out with third degree burns, turning his skin beet red compared to his citrus orange. But the barrel was cool enough for Trump to emerge from the oil, groaning in pleasure as he slicked it through his hair. Soldiers and workers watched in confusion and terror as he slowly massaged his face and let the oil sink into his skin.
As Trump bathed deeply in the barrel of oil, witnesses reported his loud narrations about how bathing in oil “soothes dry skin and gets rid of all the wrinkles” and makes you look young again. “How do you think all the pretty ladies look so young? They’re bathing in Venezuelan oil.” he claimed. He then bragged about how all the oil was going to belong to him, as he splashed the oil onto his face. He even swished the oil in his mouth and spat it out. That was oil-pulling for your teeth, apparently.
Witnesses were too stunned to speak. They all sat for around an hour, watching Trump take a bath in a barrel of oil. When his soldiers recommended for him to get out, he brushed them off and said that he was having a spa day. Venezuelan workers on board were terrified, and felt as if they were “slowly waiting for their fates while Trump swam in their oil,” one worker said.
When Trump finally got out of the barrel, he was upset to discover that there were no available towels on the ship. He forced the arrested to take off their shirts and dry him off.
The Venezuelan oil tanker was eventually taken in, with its oil being shipped to the U.S., and the workers were relieved to not have been a part of the 157 and counting death toll on that day. Though, some Venezuelans on board wished that they had been killed rather than having to watch Trump bathe in oil for an hour.
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