How to Make Friends: Step by Step Tutorial for Unlikeable People

By: Leila Rocha

So I hear you’re an unlikeable person. Your peers can’t bear to be around you. Wanna turn this around? Wanna make some friends? It’s gonna be hard, but I have faith it can be done. You just need to make a few adjustments to your obnoxious and possibly dangerous personality. Simply follow this rubric on how to make friends (unlikeable people edition)!

Step 1: Find your target. By this I mean the person you want to make friends with, not the target for your dart board. Seriously. 

Step 2: Talk to them, but in a nice way. You may already find talking to people pretty easy and fun. You probably find making unnecessary and borderline offensive jokes about your peers an enjoyable task! But if you want to make friends, you may want to lay off making people run away in tears. 

Step 3: Do favors for them. Please don’t confuse this with pulling wild pranks like dumping milk on their head while they’re not looking. Try tutoring a classmate instead. 

Step 4: Meet up after school. Not to throw a surprise punch at them, try a softer approach. Like getting soft serve, seeing a movie, or playing sports. Just keep it simple and nice…and legal (I’m begging). Unfortunately, robbing a bank is not included.

Step 5: Start all over again because you probably just made an enemy, since you failed to successfully complete steps 1-4. Or, you could just face the facts, you’re an unlikable person.

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