Short King Spring Has Sprung

By Staff

With the end of Winter, comes long awaited aspects of spring: warmer weather, blooming flora, and the conclusion of school. In addition to these perks, the start of spring also signals the beginning of something else eagerly anticipated and far more important: the celebration of vertically challenged men.

This observance of small men, affectionately dubbed Short King Spring, started on April 7th. Because the groundhog saw his shadow and predicted 6 more weeks of Tall Boy Winter, Short King Spring had a delayed arrival this year. After this extended wait, many rejoiced at the commencement of the season. 

Festivities for the season include high-fiving short companions and researching short men throughout history. Several short kings praised by the media include Tom Holland, Zac Efron, Jeffery Bezos, Josh Hutchetson, Danny Devito, all of the Jonas Brothers, and literal king, Pepin the Short. 

So what qualifies these men for the royal treatment?

Typically a Short King clocks in at under five feet and eight inches tall and wears every centimeter of his height with pride. According to comedian Jaboukie Young-White, “A short king isn’t just any male-presenting person of modest stature – it’s someone who has the strength of character to flourish in the face of conventional male beauty standards”. 

Short King Spring is more than a holiday–it’s a cultural shift

“Short kings is the new wave. Sorry to all y’all giraffes,” declared one Short King on Tiktok.

Short King supporters have flooded social media in droves, thousands of them delivering an outpouring of praise for these men. As this movement continues to gain momentum, Short Kings are increasingly becoming a force to be reckoned with. Many look forward to what new developments this new season will bring for Short Kings and their advocates. 

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